Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
