i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
