I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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