I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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