Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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