Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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