I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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