If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I FOUND THE LEGS
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
