They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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