I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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