at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
