Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
