i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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