Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My vagina just clenched in fear
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
