I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
