I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That accounts for only three of the penises
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
