i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
