i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you never un-have a 4some
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
