I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
