Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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