I hate all girls vehemently.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
