I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So much rum. So many feels.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
