im drinking this country out of the recession.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you will always have a special place in my vag
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize