jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
