And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
