i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up under a house in Key West
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