Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
