I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sext me about skeletons
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
