We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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