Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
