clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
