...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
