Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i think my cat just said my name.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
