She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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