NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
