She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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