my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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