guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
