just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
