Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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