I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think a kid would responsible me up
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
