thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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