We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
