I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
