guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
