I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
