some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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