why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
