he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
