Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
