you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
