I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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