sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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