U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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