i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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