Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
