i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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