got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
