I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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