I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
