Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
