So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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