every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
