i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
