is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
