doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
