how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
