im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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